Friday, November 30, 2012

the show and the cave

do you ever write up a blog post.
pour your heart out just a little bit.
and then have lots of doubts about whether you should post it or not?
you start to think that no one really cares.
well. this is one of those posts.
so please take your time, and care.

i'm not sure what to say today, i've been blogging almost every day this week, only because i have the time, and lots of photographs to share. you tired of black and white yet? i'm not.
but i feel the need to say something other than i love my cat and Christmas lights are awesome.

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately, sometimes i wish i could shut my brain down.
but even in my sleep my head seems to be a storm of odd and sometimes disturbing dreams.
i have a little brown book that i've been writing in, i like writing in small letters, it was a perfect present from Lydia for my birthday, i'm excited to fill it completely.
but its going to take awhile.

today is the last day of my favorite month, can you believe that? 
i certainly have a hard time facing the fact that twenty twelve only has one more month left.
i feel like it just started.
i feel like i just started living it.
but honestly, i don't want to live it again. its been lived enough. enough hearts have been hurt, enough relationships broken, enough trust ruined. this year has held a lot of that.
but this year also brought two new little lives to my family, and several other lives to my friends around me.
which seems to make everything better.
of course, this year has held a lot of good times too, but as far as the quantity of good times compared to bad...well it doesn't compare to the harsh times.
and thats just how life is sometimes.
maybe i'm not being quite fair to this year tho.
because even tho its been hard, there's been a lot of growing, more bonding with those who are most important. like family. this year has made my family become so much more stronger and closely knitted together.
and that makes me beyond thankful that this year was the way it was.

i'm just a little bit caught up in the middle
life is a maze and love is a riddle
i don't know where to go, can't do it alone
i've tried, and i don't know why

its empty in the valley of your heart
the sun it rises slowly as you walk
away form all the fears and all the faults
you've left behind



  1. I'm glad you like writing in little letters. Heehee =)

    I know what you mean. I would never, ever want to re-live certain parts of my life. But I'm glad that they happened somehow, because they're the things that make me ME.

    Love you!

  2. I get what you're saying. I'm sorry to hear about the bad times. I feel like sometimes when you grow older, more bad times is a given. Or maybe bad times is what makes you grow older. Does that make sense? What i mean to say is that you're right. It's the bad, hard times that grow us. Even in the process of growing us, they break us. But in the end we feel old and weary and grown but stronger and wiser too. It's a bittersweet feeling. Also, mumford and sons<3

  3. I totally understand this. Less than a year ago, I decided to not be bitter about the past and, instead, realize that there's a lot about my past that shaped me into who I am today.

  4. Definitely not tired of black and white. That picture is so adorable.

    Your honestly is refreshing, and what is a blog for other than to indulge yourself by posting your personal thoughts and experiences?

    It seems like you've really allowed your challenges of late to bring you back to who and what matters most to you. And I at least feel that that's a big part of what challenges are for in the first place. So, good on ya.

  5. I love you! :) I know a lot of the feelings you're talking about. This year has been crazy for sure. I really feel like it's gone much too fast. Sometimes I just feel left behind....<3
    lovely post.

    {P.S. Michael....<3 ^_^}

  6. I totally understand what you are talking about! And I lOVe the little poem at the end. "I'm just a little bit caught up in the middle. Life is a maze and love is a riddle" How true!!