Friday, November 30, 2012

the show and the cave

do you ever write up a blog post.
pour your heart out just a little bit.
and then have lots of doubts about whether you should post it or not?
you start to think that no one really cares.
well. this is one of those posts.
so please take your time, and care.

i'm not sure what to say today, i've been blogging almost every day this week, only because i have the time, and lots of photographs to share. you tired of black and white yet? i'm not.
but i feel the need to say something other than i love my cat and Christmas lights are awesome.

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately, sometimes i wish i could shut my brain down.
but even in my sleep my head seems to be a storm of odd and sometimes disturbing dreams.
i have a little brown book that i've been writing in, i like writing in small letters, it was a perfect present from Lydia for my birthday, i'm excited to fill it completely.
but its going to take awhile.

today is the last day of my favorite month, can you believe that? 
i certainly have a hard time facing the fact that twenty twelve only has one more month left.
i feel like it just started.
i feel like i just started living it.
but honestly, i don't want to live it again. its been lived enough. enough hearts have been hurt, enough relationships broken, enough trust ruined. this year has held a lot of that.
but this year also brought two new little lives to my family, and several other lives to my friends around me.
which seems to make everything better.
of course, this year has held a lot of good times too, but as far as the quantity of good times compared to bad...well it doesn't compare to the harsh times.
and thats just how life is sometimes.
maybe i'm not being quite fair to this year tho.
because even tho its been hard, there's been a lot of growing, more bonding with those who are most important. like family. this year has made my family become so much more stronger and closely knitted together.
and that makes me beyond thankful that this year was the way it was.

i'm just a little bit caught up in the middle
life is a maze and love is a riddle
i don't know where to go, can't do it alone
i've tried, and i don't know why

its empty in the valley of your heart
the sun it rises slowly as you walk
away form all the fears and all the faults
you've left behind


Thursday, November 29, 2012

the lights, the lights are up

lights, deer antlers, and my cat...again.
{they're all pretty, and photogenic}
i love Christmas lights!
i don't think i'll be taking them down for awhile now.

something fantastic just happened. i found THIS  on youtube, its Danny Kaye and Lucille Ball, and its probably the best thing i've ever seen. i'm not exaggerating. its briliant and hilarious and i had tears streaming down my face, i laughed so hard i couldn't breath and now my abs have had a sufficient work out for today. if you want to have a fantastic day please watch it.
its to good for words, only laughter will do.
i won't ask again..


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

i made a list

last night, before i went to bed.
a list consisting of at least 15 things i had to accomplish today.
everything from laundry, school, cleaning my room, taking my dog for a walk...
you get the jist, simple every day stuff.

i don't normally make lists for every day things, but winter is coming on, which means i'm beginning to feel like a bear in need of hibernation. but what i need to be is a consistent go-getter. 
i need to get things done.
especially today because i'mma go hang out with a friend before church. and i won't get home till bedtime, so yeah... i told myself last night, that if i made this list, i would, with no excuses, mark of everything, or..well there was no or else at the end of that train of thought.

^this is because daniel freaking craig is awesome. and its b/w, which i seem to be addicted to lately!

so instead of goofing off with my cat and making her hate me.
which is one of my greatest hobbies.
i have, so far, accomplished all but two things on that list, one of the things i do with my mom, so if it doesn't get done. its her fault. :D
and the other thing was to finish a Christmas present. and i promise, to myself. to get that done.

it feels really good to write a list, and at the end of your day, see everything marked off.
like seriously amazing. and i wish i'd do it everyday, but i won't. but i'm cool with being lazy.
and now i'm off to go do some chores and finish that christmas thingy.
have an extreme week everyone!

Monday, November 26, 2012

its the sort of rainy day where..

 you might just wanna drink another cup of coffee and maybe watch some tv and commence to Christmas present making. which, btw, is going pretty swell.

its the sort of day, where you have to inspire yourself.
because nothing about today, is really that inspiring.

the kind of day, that untangling the christmas lights seems to big a chore
so you ignore it, quite like my cat ignores me.
its the type of day where you fight discontent and procrastination, and when for once.
you might just win.
its a day that calls for pretty music, lots of being warm because its freezing outside and
the constant reminder that Christmas, is coming along very fast.


Saturday, November 24, 2012

'till kingdom come

putting Coldplay lyrics to a picture of Adam Young..somehow, seemed oddly right.


Friday, November 23, 2012

its time for a random post

at last! i finally figured out how to get my pictures the right size without using flickr! needless to say i'm extremely happy, because i reallyreallyreally don't like flickr. it took forever to load pictures because my photos are huge, and i need them big. just not that big. i mean, i always have my camera set on 'fine' which is pretty big. like 6016x4000. but i need them at 860x572 for here. so genius me finally figured out how to get them that size. um. yeah. these photos are just a collection of random snippets of my week. my silly cats feet, my messy and much loved room, an old Polaroid of dorky 8yr old me, and that morning it was really foggy.

you know that sort of depressing post i did sometime last week? yeah, i don't know what was up with that. i think i've worked through it. i've also been listening to Three Days Grace's new album over and over and over and over. no pun intended. never mind, you won't get that.
anyway, its simply an amazing album and those dudes are so talented. sadly there are 2 songs on the album that are just plain depressing and dark, so i don't listen to those ones. but besides that, if you love rock, i'd deff. suggest you give them a try! and listen to THIS one. its *epic* and not really rocky.. :D and its soo much fun to sing along with!

so on another random note, its time for Christmas shopping! or in my case, making cool things for people.
i love making stuff, as you probably know already, so this year i've decided, that instead of stressing over how much to spend over each person, i'm just going to make things! i'm pretty excited actually, i already have one present down, now i just need to make a list of all the people i want to make things for and then spend hours on pinterest and etsy looking for ideas. i love giving stuff to people. if i were really rich i'd have the grandest time buying things for people, like, all the time.
anywho, i have a ciro app. today, i'm in desperate need of an adjustment, so i better git off here and go get myslef looking presentable to the world. ;)
are you excited for Christmas shopping/making stuff for peoples??


Thursday, November 22, 2012

day of thankfulness

1. for my savior, because without Him i'd be a completely dreadful person, i'm so thankful He died for me!
2. my beautiful nephew, we waited so long for him and i'm so thankful he's here, safe and healthy and beautiful. and i thought, as if you haven't seen enough of him already, that i'd share a few pictures of him from last sunday<3>
3. my family, i'm superbly blessed with family. they're so supportive and loyal. and fun to be with! :)
4. all the people God has put in my life, especially the ones 4 hours away who i seem to always be missing <3>
5. life. my life, i wouldn't wish any other life for me to live because this is the one i was given, and i'm very thankful for that. and now. i'm out of things to say {well, not really but i don't want to bore you with an endless list of what i'm thankful for. which is everything. so yeah}
i'll just leave you with that! have a happy thanksgiving everyone!


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

if you met me

{inspired by nela and jocee }

i probably wouldn't say hi. because i'm shy, and i'm not good at introducing myself to people. so lets just assume, that if you met me, you'd say hi first.

if you met me, i wouldn't go for a hug, probably a handshake, unless you went for a hug, i'm down with hugs.

if you met me, you'd have to be the conversation initiator. you'd notice, that i. am very shy. but once conversation starts to flow i get more talkative!

if you met me, first thing i'd do is notice your shoes, and if i thought they were cool, i'd tell you. cos shoes. they're my favorite.

if you met me, and i was becoming comfortable around you, i might suggest we take a walk outside, because i'm way more comfortable outside.

if you met me i'd tell you about my horse and how rotten she is and about my nephew and how adorable he is.

if you met me i'd ask you if you like the avengers, then i'd proceed to interrogate you about your favorite character. i might even hug you if you said loki. or i'd probably just squeal and say "ikr".

if you met me i'd ask you if you like to read, and hope you said yes so then we could go on about our favorite books.

if you met me, you might notice that i'm a bit nervous around people and my sense of humor is really wacky. you might not get me.

if you met me i'd take you on a hike up my mountain, then down it, and then a tour of the old cabin would come next and maybe we'd scour the barns for cool things. i always find cool things on my farm. i might even take you on a bare back horse ride!

if you met me i'd show you how to climb trees and build swings, we'd probably spend hours doing the later. because i'd show you how to love swings if you already didn't. swings are my weakness. that and loki.

if you met me i'd play billiards with you, if you didn't know how, i'd teach you. if you stunk at it, i'd give up and suggest we go throw a foot ball around and hope you knew how to catch one of those.

if you met me, i'd stick my camera in your face and flash you. because i can. ;)

if you met me i'd ask if you've ever heard of Jack Johnson or Nickel Creek, if not i'd just ask you who your favorite bands/artists are and hope you like to talk about music. and i'd be totally thrilled if you were a TDG fan like me.

if you met me i'd probably be wearing skinnies, a t-shirt and a cardigan. i keep it pretty simple. you might notice my earrings too, people always do :)

if you met me, you might find it pretty boring, because unless you talk first, i probably wouldn't even say hi. i'm just shy like that.


Friday, November 16, 2012

feeling anonymous

you can't un-live the pain
you can't rewind to yesterday
you might never find your place
in the time that remains

PicMonkey Collage

so if tomorrow never comes
from living fast and dying young
and hope the best is yet to come
in the time that remains for you
~Three Days Grace~

i feel like i should apologize for something. maybe the lack of posts. definitely for the lack of comments from me on everyone's blogs, truth is, i'm sorta out of it.
not inspiration, cos i've been drawing, painting, sewing and shooting things like crazy.
i put together that collage of Three Days Grace, cos their my favorite rock band, and i was bored. and my brother just got me their new album. i felt like i needed to explain that bit.
i also feel like i should explain that fact that although yes, i listen to TDG, it doesn't mean i endorse everything that they stand for. they're not a christian band, so they're bound to have songs that i don't agree with. but all the same they're so talented and i love most of their music.
its sorta an awkward and inconsistent relationship that i have with them. ;)

after 10 days of solid crazy and being away from home. and being rushed about and stressed out, i feel like i need a break from something. not sure what. maybe i'll take a week off from blogging {starting monday, of course}. its just that i have so much that i want to say. but i can't express it.
i'm out of pracice, and i don't like feeling like this blog is in a rut. which is what i feel.
i've lost my touch. i feel like my ability to express the simplest emotion is bland.
now don't get me wrong, i'm still happy here. i'm just saying that..
well see, i'm not even sure what i'm trying to say..
maybe i'll find out someday, and when i do, i'll come and tell you all about it.
maybe i'll wake up tomorrow and know exactly what to do. but probably not..
for now, i think i want to bow out till at least after thanksgiving.
so yeah, have a fantastic weekend everyone!


i get to see my nephew tomorrow. yeah. nuff said <3>

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

oh baby!

i'm in love


and i'm going to go through serious withdrawal when i have to leave.
the more i think about it, the more i want to move to Springfield to be close to those i love.
its been a good visit.
and its going to be really hard to leave


this kid is only 8 days old and has already gained a pound since birth, making him 10lbs now.
he's not fat. just ginormous! and so lovely.

Monday, November 12, 2012

first off, i'd like to apologize for not reading or commenting on y'all's blogs!
life is crazy right now, but oddly, i'm bored. its weird..everything is weird right now actually.
everything but my nephew. he's awesome.
but seriously, everything is kinda stressed, but not. its uncomfortable {as far as living condition's go} and slightly claustrophobic, but sorta cozy. and unorganized. at least my suit case is... my sister and brother in-laws apartment is sorta small..specially for 5 grown peoples and a baby. but all the same its nice and i'm glad to be here with them. i think i'll go on a long walk today and then come in and clean up my little corner...


second. loki is awesome. but we all know that already so i'll move on...

 i think i'm ready to go home in a bit. simply because i'm running out of clean clothes and socks and i'm tired and ready to snuggle up in my bed and get a good nights rest and hug my cat when i wake up.
other than that, i don't want to leave Springfeild cos all my lovelies are here.
i reallyrealy dislike leaving this place.
but i reallyreally love being at home..


i think that maybe someday, when i'm married, i might want to come live up here.
Springfield {home of brad pitt} is a great area, and i have lots of family here, and really amazing friends.
anyway, i'm not sure how much longer i'm gonna be staying here.
maybe till the end of the week {if i last that long} or maybe till wed.
this weekend we're doing my families thanksgiving, i can't believe its already that time of the year again!
i'm so ready for christmas!! are you excited for christmas? i'm keeping my fingers crossed for lots of snow.
and now i'm getting all excited thinking about it.
i'm gonna go take that walk now...
have a fantastic week everyone!


Saturday, November 10, 2012

the day after

its the fact that i'm *finally* 18 and i'm not waiting for it anymore. no more "almost" because i'm here now.
i've complete my 18th year of life. and in celebration, i spent the whole day with the most amazing girl ever and other, very lovely friends. it was simply fantastic.
and i'm beyond blessed to have made those memories.
and i'm about as happy as my 4yr old self with her cabbage patch doll


i'm excited to see what this 19th year of life will bring my way.
because even tho i'm 18,  technically i just finished my 18th year, and i'm starting my 19th. understand? it makes perfect sense if you think hard enough ;)


life is fantastic

Thursday, November 8, 2012

oh, you must have been a beautiful baby

i adore his sweet little lips and cute nose<3 p="p">
  daddy jason, mommy antonia, and baby asa! _DSC0024

Asa Matthew, born Tuesday  6th of October, two thousand and twelve after 50 hours of labor at 11:18pm. this big man weighed in at 9lbs, and 8oz, and is 23" long.
it was one of the hardest waiting times *ever*, spent all of monday traveling and waiting at my families house, then left early tuesday morning and waited all day at the hospital for him to come.. he was planned to be a home birth, but complications forced us to have a hospital birth. its amazing he wasn't a c-section, but my warrior of a sister wanted it natural. and she made it! the actual pushing time was about 3 hours. i sat out in the hallway for most of it.
it was a really hard labor, like. you wouldn't honestly believe it. just crazy. 
but Asa is healthy and mommy is recovering well! i'm here at the hospital right now, my sis' and bro-in law won't be taking baby home till tomorrow. friends are gonna come by in a bit to see him and my brother, Eli, will be coming too. we're all so happy Asa is finally here!
his eyelashes are a stinking 1/4" long and he's got the biggest hand and feet i've ever seen on a newborn. he's just so precious.

i took these photos yesterday when i came to visit, really hoping to get some better ones soon. he's the perfect birthday present! its so odd, a week ago i felt like he was never gonna come and that i was never gonna turn 18. and now he's here and tomorrow is my birthday.
time hasn't gone fast at all, its dragged by so slowly and painfully. but now its done. he's safely here and tomorrow i'm going to spend all day with family and friends just like i hoped for.
life is *so* good.
i did a bit of shopping with mum today, new shoes and earrings. yup. happyhappy!
anywho, i'm gonna sign off now, not sure how much i'll be able to blog this next week or where i'm even gonna be. but it's gonna be great. have a fantastic week everyone!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Saturday, November 3, 2012

the sky is yours


feeling a bit nasolgic tonight.
some of its good, some of it sorta hurts..
but thats just life, right?
the parts that hurt are the parts where either i hurt someone else, or the part where i didn't try hard enough. but i'm glad to have the hope of tomorrow and all that jazz. i don't like feeling sad, so if its up to me, i won't be! there's honestly to much goodness in this world to stay sad. although i will admit that i've been very much in the dumps the last couple of days..not something i'm proud of but its just natural and i fight it as much as is good for me.
i find the best remedies to disappointment and dullness are lots of reading, coffee, writing it out in your journal, plenty of sleeping in, long sunset walks, perhaps some walking dead or monk.
and best of all. a good book. yup. those are musts.
and on top of all that, as i have mentioned before, my nephew is about to be born.
and just the thought of meeting him makes me pretty dang happy.
 tomorrow he'll be a whole stinking week past his due date and we're all SO ready for him to come!! sometimes it doesn't even seem real that i'm going to be an aunt, and all this waiting isn't helping. i've been so impatient really, an it hasn't exactly made the best come out of me. so i'm taking a chill pill and trying to be patient..*eek!* i'm just so excited! and i don't want to even THINK about him going another week without him in our arms!
 he's going to be a stunning baby {because his momma was, and, i dunno bout his dad, but he's cute now anway} and i can't wait to do his infant pictures. 
i have so many fun and cute ideas waiting to happen.
come on baby, the world is ready for you!!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

random ramblings #ihavenoclue

\/ i'm about this happy right now \/


as happy as johnny cash with a kitten? yes. that happy.
because its November yo. and we all know what that means.
my birthday.
oh yeah, and thanksgiving!
plus my nephew. yeh, he *still* hasn't come yet! so i'm going to share my birthday month with him!

i need to tell you something

johnny cash is da man.
no actually thats not what i wanted to tell you.
its this, you need to read the Hunger Games trilogy. i know everyone says that, but if you haven't. please do and join us, you'll never regret it! i'm finally on catching fire. *so good*
way better than wuthering heights. waaaay-
but moving on..

i'm watching Monk, its a fantastic show, on the level with Psych and Murder She Wrote..that last part was a joke. and hey that rhymed! i'm really quite tired right now, but there's not much i can do about that, bed time isn't an option seeing as its not even tomorrow yet. 
so, have you noticed the changes around here? i'm not really set on that header, but i needed something wintery and that'll havta do, and the b/w picture of me was a must. 
do you guys approve? because you know, y'all are pretty important to me and i care about what you think, so anyway, i'm going to go eat some yummy chocolate chip chocolate banana bread and finish this eppy of Monk.
have a wonderful weekend everyone!