On A String

"it's..aggressive." that's what he told me. 

"you have to grab my hand hard or i can't find you because i can't see where your hand is, so just. grab my hand harder this time, k?"

so i tired to take his hand more firm, i tried to be where i was supposed to be so he wouldn't have to search.

but i liked it a whole lot more when he just went after and found me anyway, knowing i wasn't so sure, all i needed was some help, all i needed was a firm grasp. all i need was some reassurance that he was leading.

the more i live, the more i see how intense life is. life is lived intensely. to make it you have to be aggressive, you have to dive in head first. you have to be brave.
you can't be afraid of anything, not of messing up or looking like a fool.
you just have to do it, be ok with messing up. be ok with looking like an idiot. everyone looks like an idiot.

i'm not very good at this aggressive thing.
i'm not very good at this life thing.

aggressiveness terrifies me. it inspires me, it intrigues me.

so i'm tasting little bits, here and there. trying to get used to it, learning to like it.


that moment, late at night, after a crazy night of what should have been fun but you were to shy and backwards to let lose. that moment when you're on the verge of tears just because you're tired, and you realize. i don't have to do this.

i love that moment. i don't have to bear this load, i don't have to worry. all i have to do is keep my mind focused on Him, work hard, be honest, be brave.

He'll take care of everything.