Thursday, February 28, 2013

something lengthy

i found something in one of my various notebooks this morning, i wrote it months ago, its titled, "i want to say something" and its addressed to myself. its nice, but a little strange, finding something you wrote to yourself. here it is..

to myself:
i want to say that people are great, forget the annoying stuff. focus on the beauty. talk about it, make compliments a habit. smile, say hello to strangers. especially visitors at church. be genuinely happy to see them. laugh to yourself and at yourself.
let words impact you and remember that what you say will impact others. don't be afraid to let others see your mistakes. don't be crabby with the world, speak kindly and with  calm spirit. lay back and let things happen out of your control. never stop bettering yourslef. don't worry about never getting the things or people you think you need. because He provides without fail and its always what you really need. pray for people, even the ones not in your life. be patient and mostly, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
the world isn't boring, so don't be bored with the beautiful life He gave you!

i currently have no idea where my life is going. i don't know what i'm going to do, when i'll get a job {or start to stinking drive} or what i'm going to do after this school year ends. i'm eighteen. thats still so weird to me. sometimes i plan out certain things for me, i build temporary castles in the clouds. i think it'd be nice if all that happened. but then other times i look at those castles and i don't really want them.
i don't know what i want to happen. i like not knowing whats ahead. its exciting.

a few weeks back my uncle called with a proposition for my parents {and me} to consider. he and his family are professional musicians, as i've mentioned before. this summer {all of june and july} they're going to tour up in the northern states, go into canada, then up and over into alaska.
they want me to go with them. yup, you heard me. they need someone to help out with my cousin's little girl, because everyone is up on stage during shows or doing sound or at the merchandise table. so she needs a nanny of sorts. my uncle also wants me to be their photographer for awhile. pretty cool huh?
well its all up in the air. i have no idea if i'll get to go. i'm praying and hoping. and honestly, i'm not even so sure i would go if the decision where up to me. this is my last summer being at home, and i'm not really sure i want to be gone for 2 months. yes, i sound like a wuss. :p
but at the same time i do. it'd be such an adventure, i've never been to canada or alaska. it sounds so enticing. i do want to go. and i adore my family i'd be going with, it would be an amazing opportunity and i'd get to bond with them all so much. thinking about it all makes me really excited.
but do i honestly want to go? i'm still not sure.

so, right now my prayer is that if its God's will, i'll go, if not, i'm perfectly ok with that. i have enough desire to go, that i'll do it. and i have enough desire to stay, so if thats what happens. i'll be fine with it. i feel Him working in my heart so much these days. i don't really have the right words to express it all. so i'm not going to try. i just feel super blessed. blessed doesn't mean i'm getting stuff i want/need. blessed means inner peace, spiritual prosperity.
i am blessed.
so whatever ends up happening this year is going to be amazing. not because i'll get what i want or get to go where i want. but because i have a feeling this year is going to be blessed, its going to be challenging and i'm going to grow closer to Jesus. and that excites me more than any trip to alaska.



  1. Isn't it interesting how submission to God gives us strength? It seems like a contradiction but isn't at all. I love it.

    That letter to yourself gave me an interesting feeling. I think it's a brilliant idea to do that, when you have a moment of clarity.

    I hope you get to go on tour with you family! That sounds like a blast, and an adventure. I say definitely do it if you can. Before you have to grow up and work everyday and never have time to get away at all haha. (Not that I know know...)

  2. I love letters that people write to themselves. I've never written myself a letter....
    I just adore that picture.
    dude, That'd be so awesome if it works out for you to go! :) :) <3
    *hug*! I miss you. <3

  3. Oh, Noni!!!! This made me sooo happy! First of all, because that letter you wrote to yourself is adorable! I was thinking about writing up something I wrote too {a journal entry}! Now I really want to do it! ;)
    Second, I'm praying about that trip! I am so glad you have peace about it, because that is the first thing I prayed for you about! Peace...for everything. And here you are telling the world you have it! WOW....

    *I* am blessed. To call you friend. To have a God who answers prayers. To live on fire. :D Wow.
    <3 <3 <3

  4. UGH! I am upset because I wrote a long comment and accidentally pressed the back button! >:(

    Anyway, the general gist of it was I think you should try to do it! That would be so awesome and it seems like a good time in your life to do it. No job tying you down or major responsibility, you know? Anyway, I think it's best to pray like you are and I hope it happens for you :)

  5. love this! i'm like this too. i have so many dreams that really i'd be happy with anything because i've dreamt of doing everything. and yes, its totally exciting not knowing where you're going. but you know it's gonna be good. because GOD is good. thanks for sharing this. and dude imma be so so jealous if you get to go! praying for ya, girl. xx.
    p.s. i'll be emailing you soon. life is busy! gah.

  6. Gosh, that feeling of "what's gonna happen now?", I got that too! It's weird and exciting at the same time.
    But enough of me, that letter is... is so true, and I'm glad you posted it. (That's real brave!)
    What you said about letting words impact you; I tend to just brush by them, and usually, forget them, which bugs me,'cos I can never remember quotes and such. Greeting people at church, just as I'd want them to greet me, and saying compliments out loud; I'm glad your've been there too.
    I also agree that people are great; the more I meet the stronger that opinion gets,and I have gotten to where I'm genuinely happy to see my friends, and laughing at yourself totally works.

    That proposition sounds like a fit for you; photographing with a purpose, taking care of a little girl, music and traveling. And if God points you in that direction...wowsers!
    Hehe, there's a lenghty comment to go with your (awesome!) lengthy post.