something lengthy

i found something in one of my various notebooks this morning, i wrote it months ago, its titled, "i want to say something" and its addressed to myself. its nice, but a little strange, finding something you wrote to yourself. here it is..


to myself:
i want to say that people are great, forget the annoying stuff. focus on the beauty. talk about it, make compliments a habit. smile, say hello to strangers. especially visitors at church. be genuinely happy to see them. laugh to yourself and at yourself.
let words impact you and remember that what you say will impact others. don't be afraid to let others see your mistakes. don't be crabby with the world, speak kindly and with  calm spirit. lay back and let things happen out of your control. never stop bettering yourslef. don't worry about never getting the things or people you think you need. because He provides without fail and its always what you really need. pray for people, even the ones not in your life. be patient and mostly, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
the world isn't boring, so don't be bored with the beautiful life He gave you!
-end

i currently have no idea where my life is going. i don't know what i'm going to do, when i'll get a job {or start to stinking drive} or what i'm going to do after this school year ends. i'm eighteen. thats still so weird to me. sometimes i plan out certain things for me, i build temporary castles in the clouds. i think it'd be nice if all that happened. but then other times i look at those castles and i don't really want them.
i don't know what i want to happen. i like not knowing whats ahead. its exciting.

a few weeks back my uncle called with a proposition for my parents {and me} to consider. he and his family are professional musicians, as i've mentioned before. this summer {all of june and july} they're going to tour up in the northern states, go into canada, then up and over into alaska.
they want me to go with them. yup, you heard me. they need someone to help out with my cousin's little girl, because everyone is up on stage during shows or doing sound or at the merchandise table. so she needs a nanny of sorts. my uncle also wants me to be their photographer for awhile. pretty cool huh?
well its all up in the air. i have no idea if i'll get to go. i'm praying and hoping. and honestly, i'm not even so sure i would go if the decision where up to me. this is my last summer being at home, and i'm not really sure i want to be gone for 2 months. yes, i sound like a wuss. :p
but at the same time i do. it'd be such an adventure, i've never been to canada or alaska. it sounds so enticing. i do want to go. and i adore my family i'd be going with, it would be an amazing opportunity and i'd get to bond with them all so much. thinking about it all makes me really excited.
but do i honestly want to go? i'm still not sure.

so, right now my prayer is that if its God's will, i'll go, if not, i'm perfectly ok with that. i have enough desire to go, that i'll do it. and i have enough desire to stay, so if thats what happens. i'll be fine with it. i feel Him working in my heart so much these days. i don't really have the right words to express it all. so i'm not going to try. i just feel super blessed. blessed doesn't mean i'm getting stuff i want/need. blessed means inner peace, spiritual prosperity.
i am blessed.
so whatever ends up happening this year is going to be amazing. not because i'll get what i want or get to go where i want. but because i have a feeling this year is going to be blessed, its going to be challenging and i'm going to grow closer to Jesus. and that excites me more than any trip to alaska.



-noni