Wednesday, October 30, 2013
heya folks! there are going to be a few epic changes around here. Natalia is working on a new design for my blog, and once again, it will have a different name. this will be my 3rd blog name, and although that kind of irritates me, i think i've finally settled on one that i'll keep for good.
i'm super duper bloody excited about all this.
now there's a more personal change that i thought i'd talk about...
the past few months have been very rough, spiritually. for the past 2 or 3 weeks i've been happy, though. not on track or where i should be. but happy. i think having a job and just doing something has helped a lot and has made me have a more positive attitude.
this past weekend was really rough. granted i was still happy and i was enjoying life and the things i do. but i made some mistakes, and i realized how empty i really felt and i just didn't know what to do. or what i wanted.
the happy couldn't mask that i was dying inside. i was putting so much crap into me. what with working in a very dark environment, and wasting time watching dumb tv shows and listening to secular music non-stop. i knew it all couldn't be good for me. so all of that, plus the fact that i was hardly ever in the word, listening to christian music, or even praying. i knew it was eating away at me. i dreaded church, i was starting to hate everyone there and i hated being there. i left discouraged and angry every time.
i simply wasn't taking anything serious. and before i knew it i found myself not caring one single bit about this faith of mine or the God i serve. i felt very done with all of it.
i had turned my back. i had turned my heart.
i was wrong, and i'm turning back now. i've turned already. and i feel alive again. i can feel God working in my heart. i know He's glad i'm back, and i'm awfully sorry for turning my heart from Him. it was a mistake, but i know He's forgiven me. His grace and patience never ceases to astound me.
i feel like the Lord has told me to stop listening to all secular music. it's only been a few days now..
and it's been really hard.
but i have to do this. i have to obey. i know it's the right thing to do and i'm tired of doing the wrong thing. i don't know how long He wants me to do this. if it's forever, or just for a season. but i do know i've never been more grateful for Switchfoot's music than i am now. ^_^
anywho. change is good. i like change, honestly. also, prayers are always appreciated. :))