Wednesday, October 30, 2013


heya folks! there are going to be a few epic changes around here. Natalia is working on a new design for my blog, and once again, it will have a different name. this will be my 3rd blog name, and although that kind of irritates me, i think i've finally settled on one that i'll keep for good. 
i'm super duper bloody excited about all this.

now there's a more personal change that i thought i'd talk about...
the past few months have been very rough, spiritually. for the past 2 or 3 weeks i've been happy, though. not on track or where i should be. but happy. i think having a job and just doing something has helped a lot  and has made me have a more positive attitude.
this past weekend was really rough. granted i was still happy and i was enjoying life and the things i do. but i made some mistakes, and i realized how empty i really felt and i just didn't know what to do. or what i wanted.
the happy couldn't mask that i was dying inside. i was putting so much crap into me. what with working in a very dark environment, and wasting time watching dumb tv shows and listening to secular music non-stop. i knew it all couldn't be good for me. so all of that, plus the fact that i was hardly ever in the word, listening to christian music, or even praying. i knew it was eating away at me. i dreaded church, i was starting to hate everyone there and i hated being there. i left discouraged and angry every time.

i simply wasn't taking anything serious. and before i knew it i found myself not caring one single bit about this faith of mine or the God i serve. i felt very done with all of it.
i had turned my back. i had turned my heart.

i was wrong, and i'm turning back now. i've turned already. and i feel alive again. i can feel God working in my heart. i know He's glad i'm back, and i'm awfully sorry for turning my heart from Him. it was a mistake, but i know He's forgiven me. His grace and patience never ceases to astound me.

i feel like the Lord has told me to stop listening to all secular music. it's only been a few days now..
and it's been really hard.
but i have to do this. i have to obey. i know it's the right thing to do and i'm tired of doing the wrong thing. i don't know how long He wants me to do this. if it's forever, or just for a season. but i do know i've never been more grateful for Switchfoot's music than i am now. ^_^

anywho. change is good. i like change, honestly. also, prayers are always appreciated. :))



  1. Ah, girl! I am sorry things have been rough, but oh so happy you are doing well again. Obedience is SUCH a hard thing to do sometimes... I think we all struggle with it daily, whether we realize it or not. It can be tricky, shifting our focus from worldy things to heavenly things and finding value in God's words instead of the world's words. But yeah, it's always going to be worth it :)

    Music is something I have a hard time with, too. I simply do not like most Christian bands I've heard. A lot of them are very frilly and dramatic, which is fine if you like that style. I don't, so it's hard finding something that feeds my soul but doesn't grate my nerves. I often turn to Switchfoot also, but besides them I don't have many standards I go to. If you find some more Christian bands that are similar or different than all the mainstream stuff, please share! :D

  2. Hey! thanks so much for this comment. It made my day ^_^

    You should check out Seabird, Fiction Family, Twenty One Pilots (i'm so happy they're christian because i love their music SO much), Jon Foreman, The Afters (they're kinda more of the main stream christian, but some of their stuff is really good.) and that's about all I have. Oh, wait. Relient K and JJ Heller are *very* good, as well. :))

  3. It's a pretty amazing feeling to turn your heart back to God, reset your priorities to what he would want, rather than just what's comfortable. Comfortable is the death of my spiritual growth, I've found. I've recently started studying the scriptures again, rather than just reading for a few minutes before I go to sleep. It feels so good, and I know it makes such a difference. You're a gem of a person, I hope you know.